5. The time is the French Revolution.
   Yossi lived in a small village and one day, his friend Roberto came to see him after returning from a trip to Paris.
   Yossi asked Roberto what was happening in Paris as he had heard they were regularly using the Guillotine.
   '' Yes, you heard right '', said Roberto, ''conditions there are as bad as can be. They are chopping off people' s heads in their thousands.''
   '' Oy vay '', moaned Yossi, '' what ever will happen to my hat business?''

6. '' If I were Rockefeller '', sighed the Hebrew teacher, '' I' d be richer than Rockefeller.''
   His friend asked, '' What do you mean? How could you be richer?''
   '' I' d do a little teaching on the side.''

7. The rabbi was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.
   Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.
   As he watched , Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game he had ever played! The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course. Moses turned to God and asked, '' I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?''
   God replied, '' Who can he tell?''

8. The rabbi of Chelm and one of his students were spending the night at the inn. The student asked the servant to wake him at down because he was to take an early train. The servant did so. Not wishing to wake the rabbi, the student groped in the dark for his clothes and, in his haste, he put on the long rabbinical gabardine. He hurried to the station, and, as he entered the train, he was struck dumb with amazement as he looked at himself in the compartment mirror.
   '' What an idiot that servant is!'' he cried angrily. '' I asked him to wake me, instead he went and woke the rabbi!''

9. A carpenter in Chelm is fixing the roof, but as he works, he throws away about half the nails. The mayor is passing by, and asks him why he' s wasting so many nails. The carpenter answers, '' I take a nail out of the bag, and if  it's facing the roof, I use it, if it's facing away, I know it's defective and throw it away.''
   The mayor tells him, '' You fool! Those are for the other side!''

10. The rabbi and the priest met every Sunday at 2 PM in the park to tell over week's event sat. They road their bicycles to a special bench every Sunday for twenty years.
   One Sunday the rabbi got to bench exactly at 2 and waied and waiteed. An hour went by and the priest was still not there.
   The rabbi rode home and called the priest on the phone. '' Hey, Father, what happened?'' The rabbi asked. '' For twenty years we' ve met at the park every Sunday, but today you didn't shhow up. What's wrong?
   '' Well Rabbi'', the priest explained , '' after church today I went out to get my bike to meet you, but my bike was missing. I know it must have been someone in my parish who took it. Rabbi, what should I do?''
   '' Well, that's quite a dilemma, Father.'' The rabbi said thoughtfully, '' I' ll tell you what you should do. Next Sunday when you give your sermon, speak of the Ten Commandments. When you get to the part about 'Thou shall not steal', look over your congregation, and the person with the guilty look will be the one who stole your bicycle.''
   The following Sunday at 2 the rabbi was already waiting for the priest.
   Promptly a 2 up rode the priest on his bike.
   '' Well, Father, my idea must have worked'', the rabbi said.
   '' Well, not quite'', the priest intoned. '' I was going through the Ten Commandments as you suggested. But when I got to the part about  'Thou shalt not commit adultery', I remembered where I left my bike.''

11. Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. '' I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippy secretary in your office.
   Why would you do that to me?
   Haven' t  I always been the good wife? I' ve cooked for you, raised your children, and I' ve always been by your  side for thirty-five years. What haven' t  I done to make you happy?''
   Embarrassed, Morris confesses , '' It's true, Saidie, you' ve been the best wife a man could hope for.
   You make me happy in all ways but one. You don' t moan when we have sex!''
   '' If I moaned when we had sex, you' d stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"
   So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb between the sheets.
   As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, '' Now, Morris, should I moan now?''
   '' No, not yet.''
   Morris begins fondling Sadie. '' What about now? Should I moan now?''
   '' No, I tell you when.''
   They begin to make love...
   '' Is it time for me to moan, Morris?''
   '' Wait, I' ll tell you when.''
   Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax, Morris yells, '' Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!!''
   '' Oh! You wouldn' t  believe what a day I had!''

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